▲ MoseFeed ▲: 7 Samosa Hacks You May Or May Not Think Are Pretty Cool, But Definitely Won’t Ever Actually Try

Who doesn’t love samosas? They’re nutritious, delicious, and we can’t think of any way to say “for a good cause” that ends in -ious.

Well, obviously people with Celiac disease probably don’t love samosas, because they can’t eat them, which sucks. You know what, we should hold a fundraiser for them so they can feel better. We could sell samosas!

Anyways, the point is that almost all McGill students have been known to indulge themselves in samosae at one point or another. But what if the samosa-eating experience could be even better? Luckily, it can — in theory. Here’s 7 nifty samosa hacks you may or may not think are pretty cool, but definitely won’t ever actually try.

  1. Put some chutney in your mouth first, then eat a samosa. The idea is the same as pouring milk before cereal — it works wonders for balancing the flavour combination.
  2. Try a dessert samosa! Cut a regular samosa in half and remove the filling. Use the remaining shells to serve ice cream in! Warning: do not do this around real Indian people.
  3. Try to haggle with people who are selling samosas to see if you can get two for $1.50.  Everyone knows that one isn’t enough, but three is a little too much to consume at once. It’s time to fight back.
  4. Offer someone you don’t like a samosa, then eat it right in front of them. Haha! Make sure to keep your mouth open while you chew for extra disgustingness.
  5. Take an extra couple of samosas at a crowded sale when the people running it aren’t paying that good attention. It can be your lunches and dinners for the next two days! (Look, you’re at the point in life between your middle-class upbringing and your middle-class adulthood when you pretend that you’re actually impoverished, so you have an excuse.)
  6. Play a group drinking game with samosas. But instead of taking a shot, you have to eat a samosa. Last one to need to use the toilet wins!
  7. Slip a samosa between the pages of a midterm you think you’re going to fail. Even if the TA who’s doing the grading isn’t swayed by your bribe, the grase will make your work illegible and they won’t be able to see how much of an idiot you are.

If you have any samosa hacks you’d like to share, then kindly hack them in the hack box (the comments). Have a hacky day! Totally misusing the word “hack” sure is hacking hilarious!

SSMU Discovers Its Very Existence Violates Constitution, Most Students Apathetic About Disbandment

The now-obsolete SSMU procedural handbook

SHATNER BUILDING, October 17 — After the SSMU Board of Directors suspended VP Finance Arisha Khan on Sunday for whining too much about the “unconstitutional composition of the Board,” the Board discovered that the society’s very existence violated its constitution.

Because minutes for the Board’s meetings have never been posted on the SSMU website, it is not known who brought the issue to the Board’s attention. Nonetheless, the constitution says very clearly, “If at any point an organization known as ‘SSMU’ is founded on campus, the Society should see to its prompt abolition.”

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VIBE: Inside The Jungle Cult Of “Solinites”

The only picture that we managed to smuggle out of Solin, of the cult’s Great Assembly Hall. The green bottle on the table contains an unknown liquid, which the Solinites regard as the source of their power.

Of the hundreds of cults that exist in the McGill universe, that of the “Solinities” — as in, residents of Solin Hall — has got to be one of the most fascinating. They harbour a unique, secretive mix of eclectic customs and bizarre traditions all their own, which are notoriously difficult for outsiders to witness. So we at VIBE wanted to dig deeper, and figure out what Solinites do when they don’t think the rest of us are around. Myself and my photographer were lucky enough to get exclusive access to Solin Hall on a Thursday night, from a fixer we’ll call Lucy. Lucy’s not her real name, trust us.

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Apathetic, Average White Guy Opts Out Of Every Fee He Can

AN OVERPRICED 2½ SOMEWHERE IN THE LOWER PLATEAU, September 27 — Apathetic, average white guy Colin Jonas recently opted out of every fee he possibly could for the semester.

Jonas, a U1 Engineering student from Vancouver, said with a shrug, “Yeah man, that’s $70 in beer money right there. I mean, I don’t use any of those services or whatever.”

Data released by SSMU indicate that around 10% of students opt out of the optional fees. The McGill Sillies‘ own research suggests that the number isn’t higher only because most students don’t even know that they can opt out.

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Commentary: I Had To Go East Of Parc And Couldn’t Even

By Amelia Hart

Hey, Amelia again. You might remember me from when I passed out at Frosh after drinking a Labatt Blue, or when my dog pooped inside. (If you’re curious, yes, I did have to pick it up eventually.)

But I’m losing track of myself, again. Today I’m here to talk about when I had to go east of Avenue du Parc for the first time. Because I just. Could. Not. Even.

Is that too much of a cliche? My roommate Sarah says it hasn’t been cool to say that for a while now. But I really couldn’t even; the second I crossed the street I could somehow only count odd numbers.

Now, I was only over there for like, 15 minutes, to go to the PJC store and buy toothpaste. I don’t know how the kids in New Rez manage over there, spending so much time away from home sweet McGill. I mean, during my brief excursion into Montréal-Est, I was terrified that I’d have to ask one of the mean-looking store workers in super broken French where the toothpaste was, and that they’d put out their cigarette on my arm or something.

Thankfully, it was in an odd-numbered aisle. And I managed to check out with a wordless swipe of the credit card that daddy gave me. Phew! Words truly cannot describe the soaring feeling I got in my heart when I, after looking both ways of course, crossed back over Parc into safety.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.